“They aren’t wearing masks. How come I got affected by Covid and they didn’t?”
“He didn’t work as hard as I did; yet he got promoted.”
“How did she get Tesla’s top model? I hope it breaks down.”
“How did she get more likes for her beach photograph than mine?”
It’s ok to feel jealous. You are not the only one. That lady owning Tesla might also feel the same way, “Oh how come she is happy; I have bought a Tesla, and I am not happy?”
The truth is we cannot peep into others’ thoughts, and that’s a good thing. But we, definitely, can peep within ourselves, and that’s the greatest key to success.
If you really want to live up to your fullest potential, by killing Jealousy, and its immediate cousin Envy, then read on…
JEALOUSY – Is an intense feeling of bitterness towards someone or their achievements and success. It is all right to wish yourself well; it is also all right to be ambitious and put your best efforts to achieve all that you ever wanted; but, is it ok to hold ill feelings for someone just because they have something you don’t have?
Do you ever find yourself dwelling on, how far a person you just knew some days ago, has progressed so much in their life? Or why don’t you have the great partner that your friend ended up having? Or why is your boss so lucky to be a boss and you are still just a worker?
When we deal with emotions of envy and jealousy, a lot of times we experience a burning desire to take away what someone has and make it our own, or talk ill behind their back just to justify our emotions, perceptions, and thoughts of what we think they are. Right?
Once, on a meditation retreat, I was thinking enviously about some people who were so focused on meditating and barely opened their eyes and here I was not even able to maintain my posture or concentrate. I started to feel so low about myself and thought, it would take me years to get where they were, or perhaps I will never get there. While others were meditating, I was just lost in my own thoughts and forcing concentration which of course didn’t work.
I was eating my heart out, when suddenly I had an epiphany about how my current thoughts would only make me fall from where I was in my spiritual life, and that too within minutes and then, I found myself wishing all the people in the room “May you all have the success that I lack”. These magic words came out so naturally out of me and I found myself feeling so peaceful at once and was actually able to concentrate for the rest of the retreat.
Jealousy is a demon that eats away each moment of joy from our life, while we wish ill for others. We become so ungrateful trying to have what others have and forget to be grateful for what we are already blessed with. We start comparing ourselves and our lives with others, and try to live their journey. And no wonder we miserably fail at it; because that’s not the journey designed for us. Each one of us has got our own unique and fulfilling journey. May be not a Tesla, but you may be the first person landing on Mars. May be not a promotion, but you could have a patent registered in your name. Maybe you don’t earn as much as your neighbor does, but your savings could be more than them.
Now, l want you to dive a bit deeper and understand jealousy and envy inside-out.
First of all, do you know the true meaning of the word “self?”
Do you ever wonder “What does “self” feel like?”
What is the experience of self, “I” or “mine?” How do you describe self, “I “or “mine?”
What is the intensity of the “self”, and is it strong sometimes and subtle at other times?
Is the “self” independent or made up of effects of the emotions we experience as humans?
When you reflect on “self”, you will view it as just a part, human body and mind, of the whole person. The “self” that is continuously changing depending on the type of physical and emotional stimulation it receives from its surroundings.
The true nature of the self that we identify with, in reality is “selfless”. However, our experiences and conditions intensify our desire to feed the “self” with “self “-related mental satisfaction. In many ways the “self” is just someone running behind the subject of its satisfaction.
And, what satisfies the “self?”
Our external actions or internal emotions?
A lot of times, we find ourselves pretending to like something or act in certain ways even when we don’t wish to? We do this to satisfy either ourselves or people around us. And jealousy is a major impediment in identifying with the true self which is kind and loving to “self” and to people around.
So how do we deal with the bitter emotions of jealousy?
- Acknowledge and ask yourself why do you feel jealous of someone?
- Is it because you really want to achieve what they want to achieve?
- Or you want to achieve it because they have achieved it, and you want to compete against them?
- Or it doesn’t matter whether you have it or not; you just wish for them not to have it?
- If you really wanted to achieve what they have already achieved, it is not jealousy; it is inspiration. It was always there in your journey, and sooner or later you would achieve it.
- If not, then ask yourselves is it because of 1b or 1c in the question above?
- If it’s because you want to compete against them, then are you being fair to yourselves and trusting your own journey?
- If it’s because whether you, have it or not doesn’t matter, the other person should not have it, ask yourselves, “is it healthy and am I being fair?” You really can’t know the efforts of a person who is more successful than you are, unless you saw them struggle to get where they are today. So, it wouldn’t at all be fair to send them your negative emotions of jealousy and vice versa.
- Change your perception – Understand that we do not have to be special. One of the biggest reasons we feel jealous is because we want to feel special and we tend to want what we do not have. Its ok to not have all what we want. I say this all the times “May I be loved without being special, and may I contribute without being special.”
- Jealousy in certain ways is a self-talk. We tell ourselves that we are not happy with whatever we have. I have found journaling as a very important tool to really connect with yourself and know what you truly want. Using a Gratitude Journal every day, helps you count your blessings, and acknowledge what you are truly gifted with. It need not be talents, it could also be people, or certain situations that made you feel lucky, or things that you truly love, enjoy and value in your life. And if you can’t think of anything, just write, “Today, I am breathing. I thank almighty for blessing me with a brand-new day. I am happy that I am living today, because today is special for me.”
Here are a few affirmations that can help you to overcome feelings of jealousy:
- I love myself and others around me
- I wish well for myself and others around me
- May I, and everyone I know, prosper
- I am happy to see people succeed in their endeavors and make the best of life
- I am kind and authentic with myself and others who I deal with
- I give up being important and don’t identify with the “I” or “self” that seeks approval
- If at all I find myself feeling jealous of someone then I free myself from the clutches of envy, and I send compassion, love and kindness to people
- I have nothing to take back with me when I leave the world; therefore, I am at peace with myself and others around me
Life is what you make it. So don’t waste your time feeling ill towards someone or their achievements; instead focus on yourself and your achievements. Every minute you waste feeling envious about someone else is a minute you could use to create something beautiful with your life.
Every journey is unique. I really want you to take charge of your emotions, and reply to these questions.
What triggers your jealousy?
What is your reaction to it – physical as well as emotional?
Have you felt jealous about something and then regrated thinking ill about others?
What are the ways that you find effective to overcome jealousy?
The next time you feel jealous, which affirmation/s do you think will help you focus on yourself, your life and your journey, the most?
If you have any questions or doubts, or personal experience that you want to share, please feel free to post comments on my social media handles. If you are not comfortable sharing these experiences in public, please feel free to email me at , and I will personally reply to your questions.
– Khiyati M Barrot