More Factors to Consider for Healthy Relationships
How to limit your expectations in your relationships.
When our desires mingle with our expectations, we allow ourselves to become victims of our limitations. How often does your heart get wounded because someone didn’t behave the way you wanted them to? How often do you feel like, people expect too much from you? All the times, right? In reality your expectations are “your standards” which people fail to meet, and that causes you pain.
Firstly, accept the fact that, people will treat you, the way you want to be treated. However, if your standards are too “high “and people fail to meet them, you can’t blame them. Secondly, accept that people have flaws and not everybody is as giving and understanding as you are. No matter who you deal with, if you remember this one thing, I promise, you will never be hurt. Before you do something for someone, come into a space of understanding that, they may not accept, understand, return or appreciate what you did for them. However, you are doing your activities in the mode of kindness and not because you expect anything in return. I promise, you will never be hurt. Instead, you will find that, in such scenarios you will always get a return that you never expected and find yourself much happier.
Drop the bar of exceptions and you will never be wounded.
How to detach from toxic relationships?
What makes a relationship toxic? Is it our pride, our ego? Or our partner’s actions? In many of my readings, I have had talks with people especially women, who tell me that, their relationships are becoming too toxic over time? When asked “why”? most women tell me that at some point they have been abused, and have had to put up with domestic violence. In such cases, I always recommend professional help. But in general, most relationships are becoming toxic because of our behavior towards our partner or others. While I am not emphasizing self-blame. I am reiterating on self-reflection. Do you ever look at your behavior towards your partner? How often have you lost a good person due to your pride and ego?
There are times when a relationship is truly toxic and one needs to walk out on it, go for professional counselling and completely detach from it. While other times, the art lies in “forgiving”
The art of forgiving – Forgiving gives you the freedom to detach. It gives you the power to let go. Real freedom comes when you stop pondering on the damage caused to you by others. Allow yourself to forgive those who did you wrong. Allow karma to take charge. Let the universe witness your forgiveness and free yourself from toxicity. Healing comes when you free yourself, and freedom comes from forgiveness. There is no other way to detach from a toxic relationship. People move on but carry the wounds deep within themselves, build unnecessary walls, sabotage future relationships due to past trauma. But fail to forgive.
So, expect less, forgive more, don’t let your pride and ego destroy your loving relationships with others. Express love when you can, give others what you want back. Practice “healthy humility”. Being humble means being natural and unassuming, not being a doormat, ashamed, or inferior. When you practice humility, you feel at peace with yourself and with others.
Life is too short; so, do today, what you intend to do tomorrow. For you never know, there might not be that tomorrow!
Let’s do it; let’s try this on one important relationship in your life. I encourage you to:
1. View the relationship as you visualized it earlier when things were good.
2. What was the foundation of that relationship? Why did you go for it, or what were the good qualities that you saw?
3. What went wrong?
4. Ask yourselves whether it was because of your expectations not being met, or something that you could have done to avoid the sourness?
5. Is there a pattern in your thought process that generalizes a particular behavior? “He always does this”, “She never acknowledges me”, etc.
6. Is there any memory from your past that bothers you?
7. Forgive yourself, and acknowledge that incident, and forgive the people involved.
The Divine in me, please guide me to build healthy relationships with everyone around me. Allow me to understand my role in each one of my relationships.
– I am generous to everyone.
– I live in balance and harmony with everyone.
– I am blessed to have the most loving and caring people around me.
– I am a source of endless supply of positive energy, and I radiate it to all.
– I forgive and let go of any past pain, conflict and hurt in me.
– I respect and nourish my relationship with others.
– I appreciate what others do for me.
– I give without expecting, and when the universe returns it back to me unexpectedly, I express gratitude.
Whenever you experience a moment of conflict with anyone, just turn these affirmations, and I promise you, your mood will shift to a more positive side instantly.
A lot of what I write comes from my own life experiences. You can send me a message to share your thoughts and stories with me. I am eager to learn as we grow.
– Khiyati M Barrot